How shit is that? Actually don’t answer that – I know how shit it is.

So here’s a quick run down on what’s been going on Chez Cherry Red:

October

First there [...]]]> I have been really, really shit of late.  Looking at the blog, I don’t think I’ve blogged properly since… erm… September I think.

How shit is that?  Actually don’t answer that – I know how shit it is.

So here’s a quick run down on what’s been going on Chez Cherry Red:

October

First there was The Trade In

I finally traded in my shitty road boat of a car Chrysler for something that didn’t bleed me dry every 6 days…. A Micra.

A shiny, bright red, 1.2 Micra.

When I was looking at getting a new car it needed to fit the following criteria:

* It had to have 5 doors

* The Girl had to have plenty of room in the back

* It had to be economical round town

The Micra ticks all the right boxes and I love it.  Actually, I loved it at the time but that’s another post.  I’m grateful for it if I’m honest – it’s saved me £150 a month in petrol. That’s gotta count for something surely!??

Then there was The Operation.

The Girl had her tonsils out.  Not gonna lie, that week was the worst week of my fucking life.  Horrific is the only way to describe it.

Her operation was scheduled for 17th and she had to be in the hospital by midday which was fine but I really struggled with was not letting her have anything to eat or drink after 7am – especially as didn’t go down for surgery until nearly 5pm by which time my nerves were screwed.

Anyway, surgery went “as expected” and she was back on the ward within 40 minutes and she was as miserable as sin.  Which is fair enough I think when you’re a) 5 years old and b) forced to wake up after being drugged to go to sleep.

She was discharged the following morning and I was given strict instructions to make sure she ate normally and drank plenty.

Eat.  Normally??

Yeah right – like that was going to happen.  Anyone who’s had their tonsils out know how painful it is so getting a whingy, whiny, miserable 5 year old to eat toast and normal food was near impossible but she did manage to eat some foods.

Didn’t do any good though – by Friday the infection in her throat had gotten so bad I had to rush her into A&E where she was readmitted because the infection in her throat was so severe she smelt like rotten flesh and the whole back of her throat was green.

It was disgusting.

I want to tell you that I was a model mum and that at no time did I lose my patience with the medical staff but that.. that would be a lie.

For one, I believed she’d been sent home too early and I told the consultant exactly that.  I got no reaction from him at all which did nothing for my mood.

Then there are the ‘protocols’.  Don’t get me wrong, the nurses were brilliant but I was very tired, very worried and The Girl was really ill and some of their rules are just really fucking stupid.

Take for example the one about checking.  You know the one – it says nurses have to constantly check their patient hasn’t morphed into someone else in a short space of time.

The Girl had a catheter because she needed IV antibiotics every two hours.

Now, getting The Girl to tell the nurses her name and date of birth during the day was fine, but what wasn’t fine was the need to wake her up every 2 hours THROUGH THE GOD DAMN night??  I don’t get it?  She was the same girl at 1am that she was at 11pm.  And the same girl at 3am that she was at 1am!?  It was just ridiculous.

But what really, really fucked me off was the fact that the nurse had the gall to complain in the morning that The Girl was miserable and cried a lot.  WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT!?!?  I found myself asking her what she expected of a 5 year old that was unwell and had been woken up every 2 hours through the night.  I think I asked her how she’d have felt if she were the one being disturbed.

Not my finest hour I admit, but still…..

November

Shit all to report.

December

My 80 year old Nan fell, broke her nose, ripped her leg open to the bone and needed over 40 stitches to repair it.

Christmas.

The End.

So there you go.

That kind of brings us up to date.

Got loads more to blog about but for now… I think that’ll do.

*******

Dear Girl

The Argos catalogue is not a pre-made list of things for you to want and/or demand.

IF you make it to your 6th birthday THEN we can talk about what you can have.

Until then – please for [...]]]> Firslty, apologies that my first pop in months is whiney.  But hey… needs must

*******

Dear Girl

The Argos catalogue is not a pre-made list of things for you to want and/or demand.

IF you make it to your 6th birthday THEN we can talk about what you can have.

Until then – please for the love of all that is holy and right… stop with the “I wants”

Sick of the “gimmies” – your Mother x

*******

Dear Hot Geek

I love that you love to exercise, really I do.   Those arms of yours are just awesome.

But if you can’t be bothered to un-ball your sweaty socks BEFORE you put them in the wash then I’m afraid they won’t be getting washed.

With love – your girlfriend

*******

Dear Fat Ass

You.  Will.  Be.  Gone.

With no more patience for you, Me

Firstly, to the wonderful ladies who spent not an inconsiderable amount of time organising it – thank you.  You did a fantastic job.  The venue was fabulous and perfectly located.  The choices for key [...]]]> I know we’re in September and #cybermummy seems like it was months ago, but I figured I’d blog about it anyway.

Firstly, to the wonderful ladies who spent not an inconsiderable amount of time organising it – thank you.  You did a fantastic job.  The venue was fabulous and perfectly located.  The choices for key note and crowd sourced key note speakers were, well, superb.

I wasn’t sponsored to go to the event in June.  The ticket arrived with me as a Christmas present from The Hot Geek after I’d spent weeks telling how much I’d really like to go because everyone raved about last years and how I felt a little sad that I couldn’t go – we were sunning ourselves inSpainfor the 2010 conference.

I won’t lie, I was absolutely shitting myself really nervous about going.   I was travelling toLondon on my own and I was massively aware that I didn’t know anyone.

I’d done my research before hand and read up on each one of the workshops and decided which ones I was going to attend.

The first workshop I attended was the The Writing Workshop being lead by Sophie King and in all honesty – I was disappointed with it.  I didn’t really get very much from it.  I have no desire to write a novel and this workshop was, in my opinion, heavily geared towards bloggers who want to use their blog to launch themselves as a novelist and that really isn’t me.

Please don’t get me wrong, I understand fully that some bloggers want to be novelists and this was reflected by some of the people who attended the workshop – people who clearly got something out of it.  But when Ms King was asked questions from bloggers who didn’t want a writing career it was obvious that she didn’t really understand the needs of her audience as a whole.

One blogger was told that perhaps she should change the name of her blog so it stood out to people about who she was and what she was about and that she should write about a single subject.  I’m not sure Ms King really grasped that for some, their blog names are how people know them, how they identify with them.  Blog Names aren’t book titles.  You don’t change them dependent on the ‘storyline’ of your next post.

Another blogger was told that her weekly post link up should be held somewhere separate to the rest of her blog because it seemed quite a niche thing to do.  Ms King didn’t, in my opinion, understand that the link up posts are part of someones blog and aren’t something they want to keep separate.

About half way through the workshop, bloggers started to leave and I can understand why.  Me, I stayed in the hope that I’d get something out of it.

I didn’t.

My experience wasn’t helped by the fact that we were paired off for a hands-on session.  Ms King gave us prompts such as a single word or an example subject and we were asked to write a short creative piece, only a few lines, based on that prompt.  The reason for the exercise was to bounce idea’s off your partner and see how we could inspire each other only my partner didn’t acknowledge I was in the room and instead chose to sit on her laptop.

I felt really let down and the session left me questioning both myself and my reasons for blogging.

In reality, the whole day wasn’t negative.

I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the speakers as part of the Blogger to Blogger inspiration session.

The Girl is a major part of why I write and what I write about.  I’ve often wondered about how I out how I can get her involved in my blog but I’d never thought about video blogging.  Until I sat in and listened to My Daddy Cooks talk about his experience with video and how he gets his little one’s involved.

But for me… the absolute highlight of my day was putting faces to names and meeting everyone – especially those I tweet more regularly perhaps than others!

The first words I heard when I arrived at Cybermummy were uttered by the rather delicious Jay who, across a crowded reception bellowed “OH MY GOD, I’D RECOGNISE THOSE TITS ANYWHERE!!!!!” and then proceeded to hug me as if she’d known me for years.   I don’t think I stopped smiling for ages afterward!

So there you go, my rambled take on Cybermummy.

Late I know, but hey, better late than never!

OH. EM. GEE.

Pretty gorgeous eh???

A whole mantle piece full of cock.

And do you see the gorgeous humdinger of a cock on the left hand side??? The clear one?

He was mine. AAAAALLLLL MINE!

His actual name is Columbo The First.

You may address [...]]]>

OH. EM. GEE.

Pretty gorgeous eh???

A whole mantle piece full of cock.

And do you see the gorgeous humdinger of a cock on the left hand side???  The clear one?

He was mine. AAAAALLLLL MINE!

His actual name is Columbo The First.

You may address him as Senor C.

Now, I absolutely plan on telling you how we became…… er…. friends but before I do, I’ve got a two very special people who I need to say a big thanks to cause y’know, my Mamma raised me right and shit.

First, to JAY

Dude… when you say you’re gonna throw a dildo party, fuck me do you throw a dildo party.  I mean, I’ve only seen such phallic displays at  Ann Summers.  I was surrounded by them.  Big ones, small ones, veiny ones, really funky feeling ones.

All a-maz-ing.

You.  Rock.

Secondly a mahoosive big thank you to EDEN FANTASYS who supplied the goodies.

In all honesty, without you, 25 or so women wouldn’t have spent over an hour giggling like school girls and using the kind of language that would shame a sailor!!

There will be more photos and the full story about what we go up to in my next post……

Promise

]]> http://www.misscherryred.com/2011/07/04/the-one-with-all-the-didlos/feed/ 6 http://www.misscherryred.com/2011/06/19/cybermummy-the-meet-and-greet/ http://www.misscherryred.com/2011/06/19/cybermummy-the-meet-and-greet/#comments Sun, 19 Jun 2011 20:59:45 +0000 misscherryred http://www.misscherryred.com/?p=1226

With Cybermummy less than a week away the rather lovely Carly over at MummysShoes is running a bit of a ‘meet and greet’ .

Now, I’m a bit late coming to the party – I know, I’m shit but hey, it can’t be helped, so for those who don’t know me here goes:

Actual [...]]]>

With Cybermummy less than a week away the rather lovely Carly over at MummysShoes is running a bit of a ‘meet and greet’ .

Now, I’m a bit late coming to the party – I know, I’m shit but hey, it can’t be helped, so for those who don’t know me here goes:

Actual Name: Amy

Blog: Miss Cherry Red

Twitter ID: @atmccollam

Height: 5 foot 5 inches

Hair: Mid brown.  With highlights.  And fake but who cares… looks good right?

Eyes: Green

Likes: Bad reality TV (TOWIE, Four Weddings, Don’t Tell The Bride, MéBFGW etc) – it makes me feel better about myself!  Summer holidays, maxi dresses, rosé, cider, eBay, hen weekends, my friends, boobs.

Dislikes: The Daily Mail, lazy people, liars, diets (although I’m always on one), mayonnaise (it is the food of the devil), spiders (yes, even the diddy little ones), baby sick.

The obligatory photo is at the top.

To say I’m nervous and about coming to Cybermummy would be an understatement so I’ll be the one at the bar…. rocking a black maxi dress and a bottle of rosé – come say hi!

The Dodo fairy visited The Girl when she started nursery and it didn’t really seem like a massive thing at the time.

The Hot Geek and I made a really big deal of her being such a big girl now she was at nursery that [...]]]> The Girl hasn’t had her Dodo in nearly 2 years.

The Dodo fairy visited The Girl when she started nursery and it didn’t really seem like a massive thing at the time.

The Hot Geek and I made a really big deal of her being such a big girl now she was at nursery that she didn’t really need it anymore and she seemed happy with that.

Happy until about a year ago when she started wanting it and I haven’t got a clue why.

There have been times when her asking for it has been relentless.

We’ve had tearful nights.

Sleepless nights.

Tantrums.

I just kept saying no because I honestly thought she’d get over it.

But she didn’t and I kept saying no.

I ended up hating the fucking word.

I hated how much she got upset because I’d said no.

I couldn’t stand being the bad guy and all because of a bloody dodo.

I ended up getting so hacked off last week with her relentlessly asking for it that I ended up snapping at her.

Epic Parent Fail.

I told her if she wanted a dodo that badly, then she should ask the dodo fairy for it back.

So she did:

letter to the dodo

The letter reads “To the dodo fairy, can I have my dodo from keira”

When I came home from work she proudly handed me the letter and asked me if I could post it for her.

Heartbreaking isn’t it?

I genuinely didn’t know what I was meant to do with it and she had this look of hope on her face.

So I promised to post it the next day* and told her she’d have to wait and see if the Dodo fairy would write back.

And sure enough… a few days later, she did:

... love from the dodo fairy

The Girl was upset.  Really upset.

But accepted it.

And I haven’t been asked for her Dodo in nearly a week.

Epic Parent Fail Turnaround.

* = took it to work and kept it in my desk draw